Bhekisisa Nyoni, 22, Bulawayo, Zimbabwe: Since it is impossible to remain in one stage of intimacy, I would like to believe that the best and safest stance is to simply abstain from any close encounters, to avoid situations were its just the two of you.
I am a communications fanatic and I have found out from my reading that if a couple can communicate well, then the relationship tends to flourish in all other dimensions. Because for instance sending a gift is a way of communicating one's love. Telling her/him that you love him/her is another way.
Mkama, 27, Tanzania: Truly this question isn’t simple as it seems to be. I suggest the church to work more in building the capacity of people concerned. In some cases people take their own way because they lack necessary education on the part of Christian dating.
François, 26, Abidjan, Ivory Coast: Know Jesus-Christ and really believe in him is the first step. After that some people who met must "like" not "love" I mean see in somebody some Christian qualities that can attract them each other. "Loving" somebody could mean infatuation. So be patient and carefull!!
Lyson, 21, Malawi: Malawi, currently living in Kenya this is a very important thing to talk about. Unfortunately enough, it is very complicated. This issue has a lot to do with individual cultures leave alone Christianity. People from different cultures view dating relationship differently. The way Africans look at it is not the way Americans look at it. So the best thing, to satisfy every body is that, the two people must not forget that they are not a husband and a wife. They must also shun or evil places and even those which may seem to be good places so long as God can not be found where they are. They must not do what ever can lead them into sin. As E.G white wrote it is the beginning of sin which should be guarded against. And the above points mark the boundary; Do what ever you want, but it must not be the first step into sin.
Teka-Ann, 23, California, United States: A healthy relationship needs boundaries in order to be established. It must be accepted that any healthy relationship will take time to develop. This leads to the first step – Go slow – Take your time. You should be in no rush. The next step involves friendship, which is a core section of any successful dating relationship. You should never date someone you cannot or would not be friends with. If you cannot take away the emotions you may feel for the other party and still find solid friendship sustaining you both, then rethink. Responsibility is another key factor. Be responsible for your decisions and your choices and don’t repeat the past – learn from your mistakes.
Know too that boundaries are good and necessary. Set them! They define you and they protect you and in dating definition and protection are two things you definitely need. Set your boundaries and maintain them. In regards to what boundaries one should set – If there is anything in the relationship or about it that is weakening your relationship with God, say goodbye. When we walk with Jesus we know what pleases and what annoys Him. God Himself has boundaries – He hates lying, stealing, taking His name in vain etc. He told Adam and Eve that they could eat of all the trees, but He said ‘except …’ You too should set your boundaries; have your excepts. Though the boundaries may differ from person to person, in that we are different in our likes and dislikes, this one thing is true - We are all living by God’s words. Anything that is unlike Him is crossing the line.
Demand respect; it is forever due. Be of the same belief. Do nothing that is pushing outside of your ‘zone.’ Stay in the light. If you venture into the darkness you may fall. The devil knows how to tempt us well. He knows our weaknesses and so he will lead us into the wrong paths. Don’t test your strength by trying to see how far you can go. Don’t think you are so strong you can be secluded with your dating partner and can resist temptation or that you can kiss and pet heavily and still be able to resist. Flee the very thought of sin. God must be above, within, and all around your relationship. In all things be true and be pure.
Gabbie, 18, Oklahoma, United States: God should definitely be the center of the relationship, although that isn't always easy to do because we are attracted to people opposite us and that could mean someone who isn't as psyched about God as we are (not that they don't love God, but they may not be at the same step in a relationship with God). So prayer, I think, is the most important part of the (and any) relationship to find good middle ground that is pleasing to God. I hope others will never know the emptiness and guilt that comes with impure touching before marriage. Its easy to say, watch out for the amber light, but in reality can be very hard to do (attraction does come with loving someone)... but it is VERY worth it... even at the expense of your sweety's pride or hurt feelings (and he or she WILL be hurt). Pride and feelings can be mended, but you can't take sex or touching back... and it’s a hard path to turn from. I want someone to marry me because I love purity and integrity and God. If I wasn't good atanything else, it would bring happiness to my heart to hear my spouse say "she loved God and did all she could with Him." It would bring me even more happiness to hear, "she was a magnificent kisser." Pray and wait...God WILL lead and WHEN he leads WILL be the BEST time to GO. Those are my thoughts.
Aaron, 22, Oregon, United States: I believe that healthy dating is all about the health of those involved and their commitment to healthy boundaries. As much as I have wanted to disagree with it at times, the boundary of not having sex before marriage is an excellent boundary. It is also a good idea to not start planning for a future or talking about marriage until you have enough time to get to know a person well enough to know if you would want to spend the rest of your life with them.
Kaliza, 26, Eastern, Zambia- Africa: The best way of dating is to follow what Paul said in the scripture stating that we should not handle, not touch, not taste. Above all avoid being the two of you when you go out for a date. Better have a third person with you and avoid dating in late hours.
Thaddeus, 18, Florida, United States: I believe that the ultimate step towards having a healthy relationship is having a Christ centered relationship. Many people feel that it is okay to date someone with different beliefs, morals, etc, but often times that can cause the two to bump heads. However, there are times when dating someone with different beliefs as us as Christians can help lead the individual to the truth. As far as boundaries in a relationship are concerned, I see no problem with a long hug or passionate kiss if we are able to maintain self-control. So I pretty much think that it depends on the person because some are stronger than others when it comes to things like this. If you know that you, as an individual, are likely to fall into temptation, then you should not pace yourself in a certain situation. But if I am able to maintain self-control, there should be no problem with a long hug or a passionate kiss. Just because one person can fall into temptation does not mean that everyone will.
Deborah, 23, Makati City, Philippines: I am Deborah and I’m 23 years old. I’m very particular with someone to date with. It is really important to know the person you are gonna go with. And for me someone who is also an Adventist like me is the one, cool to be with. But I got an idea that I could date someone who is not a fellow believer as long as I could be a good example to him. There are also non-Adventists who are not “rascals” guys, who respect their dates.
Angelo, 23, Sudan: First, understand relationship as the Bible put define it and NOT what the society says. That will save you many hills and valleys. Then you need to disciple yourself first before you plug yourself into a relationship because chances are, you may NOT know what a relationship really means and that will inevitably set you up for disappointment and troubles.
Know that no one is ever going to satisfy all your needs and whims just like you can’t satisfy anybody. In a relationship, each partner comes in with both the benefits and failures. If you understand and accept what that means, that you are on a right path toward a lasting relationship.
Jonas, 28, Maine, United States: I am Jonas, and I would like to share my thoughts about the steps you should take to ensure a healthy dating relationship. You should first find out about the person you are going to date. As an Adventist Christian, you have to date a Christian girl because they have the same faith as you and also to avoid health and social problems. You can’t have sex before marriage and you shouldn’t kiss on the first date. The most important thing is to try to get to know one another first, to build a relationship for the future. This is my suggestion. Thank you.
Rea, 17, Trinidad and Tobago: I agree with Barbara partially, but it is wise to not participate in long hugs or passionate kisses because we are all humans and it is likely that we can miss the amber and break the red light. After marriage you will have a lifetime to engage in long passionate kisses with the love of your life, and then you can skip the amber and the right light and it won’t matter. The safest way is to avoid all physical intimacy before marriage because physical intimacy such as kissing can lead to other things that should not be done out of marriage. Save the passionate kisses for marriage. In the mean while, spend time talking and getting to know each other better. As much as possible, go out in groups and in open places surrounded by people so that you are less likely to fall into temptation. And above all make God the center of your relationship. Pray for you boyfriend or girlfriend as often as you pray and sometimes hold hands with your boyfriend and ask God to bless your relationship. This will ensure a healthy relationship.
Imadylle, 22: First…friendship is very important to establish first. Then it is safer to go on a group date. There should be no kissing on the first date.
Jillian, Barbados: If you're talking healthy, you're talking "Christ Centered”. Make God completely part of that relationship and every other thing will fall in place at a set time.Boundaries vary from person to person. We all know the stop signal(the red light). However sometimes we need that amber light just before the red light to prepare us to stop. That amber light may be turned on either during a simple innocent hug or a passionate kiss.
So for all drivers and learners, remember amber means to slow down and get ready to STOP, if not you may go through the red light which is against the LAW.