Is it okay to date outside your faith? Couldn’t this be a chance to witness?
It is true that friendships provide the best opportunities for sharing the good news. But dating relationships have at least the possibility of marriage in view. It makes sense, then, that a relationship like this can be safely entered into only with someone you think would make a good life partner.
An understanding of God’s design for the marriage relationship helps us to see why the Bible places a high value on shared faith between marriage partners. In Eden, God created Eve from Adam’s own flesh and brought the two together in the “one-flesh” union of marriage. They were to be “one”--physically, emotionally, intellectually and spiritually.
In the first-century church in Corinth there were those whose spouses were not yet believers. There were also single people who had yet to make a decision about who they would marry. The apostle Paul counseled these singles not to be “yoked together with unbelievers.” Paul does not tell us exactly what concerned him about such marriages. Likely he saw the potential for the Christian partner to lose ground spiritually and for the marriage bond to be weakened by the absence of a shared faith. Clearly, in Paul’s mind, the risks of linking one’s life with someone who does not share your faith are greater than any potential for good.
You may want to read the following passages from the Bible as you think about this issue some more: Genesis 2:26, 27; 1 Corinthians 7:13-20; 2 Corinthians 6:14-18.
God has good reasons for reserving a sexual relationship for marriage. Sex is about the mutual opening of two persons to one another--physically, emotionally, intellectually, and spiritually. Outside the lifelong commitment of marriage, a sexual relationship runs too deep for safety. The potential for devastating pain and long-term damage to a person’s ability to form intimate relationships is too great to take the risk.
God’s plan for the development of a relationship is probably most fully outlined in the Song of Solomon where the love story of a king (Solomon) and his bride (Shulamith) unfolds. Three times (in chapters 2:6, 7; 3:5; 8:3,4) Shulamith describes the couple’s married lovemaking leading up to sexual intercourse and then counsels her friends, “Do not arouse or awaken love until it so desires.” Scholars indicate that the language of this verse in Hebrew can be understood to mean “Do not awaken this kind of love until it’s time.” It’s as though Shulamith intuitively understands that this kind of love is safe only with a marriage partner. (If you’d like a guide to understanding the Song of Solomon, Karen and Ron Flowers, directors of the General Conference Department of Family Ministries, have written a brief commentary in a booklet entitled Invitation to Intimacy that is available through www.AdventSource.org)
God put the Song of Solomon in the Bible because He wants couples to enjoy everything good that He had in mind when He created male and female and brought them together in marriage. God never withholds anything good from us. Staying on God’s timetable for sexuality provides for maximum pleasure. Biblically, that clearly means reserving sexual intercourse and the intimate touching that is part of the sexual experience for marriage.
It’s safe to say that any behavior that propels a couple toward sexual intercourse is “too far” for that couple. For some, even kissing and holding hands may be too stimulating for them to engage in if they want to maintain their decision to be sexually abstinent before marriage.
The good news is that God has provided more than enough to enjoy in the experience of growing together in love toward marriage. Hear the testimony of long-married couples: You can listen and talk and hold hands for 50 years with the same partner and still find pleasure! Take time to read Solomon and Shulamith on what God wants courtship and marriage to be like for you.
If you have already gone “too far” in a dating relationship, why stop?
It can be quite discouraging to have violated your values, and it’s natural to wonder whether you have passed the point of no return. The good news is that God loved us while we were still sinners. He saved us and made our lives full again in Jesus Christ. We have only to hold out our hands to receive His gift. It is never too late to make better decisions and to enjoy the benefits of living by the values of His kingdom.
The best reason for stopping now is that God’s word is clear that a sexual relationship is reserved for marriage. God never withholds anything good from His children. He was the designer of the process by which a man and a woman are attracted to one another. He planned for important things to happen during the courtship period, such as the development of friendship, the deepening of communication, the building of trust, and the acceptance of one another as less-than-perfect human beings.
Premature sexual activity frequently puts a near end to further growth in the relationship. To disregard God’s word is also to risk living apart from the protection of His plan for sexuality. And there can be heavy consequences, such as long-term emotional distress, and a reduced ability to form and maintain a permanent bond with a marriage partner.
God longs for you to give His grace a chance to bring healing in your life. Despite the fact that you have made mistakes, our God is a God of new beginnings. He wants to bury your mistakes in the depths of the sea. There may be some consequences to your choices that He cannot remove, but He wants you to know the peace of letting Jesus be the Lord of your life. He wants you to experience the positive results of making better choices. Turning around in your tracks is what conversion is all about. Nothing but good ever comes from it.