How do I respect the wishes of my non-Christian parents while still following God’s will?
This can be a difficult situation, requiring a lot of thought and prayer. The Scripture tells children to respect and honor their parents (cf. Ex. 20:12; Eph. 6:1-3; Col. 3:20) but it also teaches that a Christian’s first allegiance is to God (cf. Acts 5:29; Matt. 10:34-38). Your question highlights how difficult it can be to do both, especially when your parents are not Christians. Your challenge will be to identify all the ways you can possibly interact in a positive way with your parents and to show your respect for them, while at the same time respectfully asserting your decision to follow Christ and the principles of His kingdom.
When it becomes clear that their child has made the choice to become a Christian, many parents respond by respecting their child’s decision to follow Jesus, often seeing the positive effects of Christian values in their child’s life. Sadly, some do not. Some children even have to endure the rejection of their parents for the sake of Christ. I pray this will not be so for you, and that by your gentle Christian influence you may lead your parents to Jesus.
You are right: the Scripture instructs children to honor and respect their father and mother, and also instructs parents not to “embitter” their children lest they become discouraged (cf. Ex. 20:12; Eph. 6:1-4; Col. 3:20, 21). Getting along with your parents, especially as you grow into adolescence and adulthood, can sometimes be difficult! But many families have successfully negotiated these waters, and likely you can too.
One of the big keys to better relationships in families is communication. It often helps when young people are able to tell their parents things they appreciate about the family in which they grew up, and how grateful they are for the way their parents are working to provide for their needs. Of course your parents aren’t perfect, but concentrate first on the things they have done well, and let them know you’ve noticed. Then look for opportunities to talk with them about your goals and dreams and what you think it will take for you to reach them. Talk about tangible things like education and career goals.
It’s also good to talk about “relationship goals,” such as the kind of relationship you’d like to have with them as you grow toward adulthood. Perhaps you’ll want to talk with them about how your relationship might need to change now that you are growing up.
Be willing to listen to their point of view as well as to express your own. Be ready to put real energy into exploring alternative solutions to problems until you find one that both you and your parents can accept. Then live by the commitments you make. Chances are you and your parents will discover you aren’t as far apart in what you need and want from each other as it may seem at first.