How do I know when I have found the person that God wants me to marry?
Choosing a life partner is one of the most important decisions you will ever make. You will want to think carefully and pray about it. It’s also a good thing to listen and talk with family and other people you trust who have experience and understanding.
As your relationship deepens with the person you think might be “the one,” there are some important questions you should ask yourself:
Does this person share my commitment to Jesus Christ and the values that I hold?
Do we have a shared vision for the future?
Do we have a strong friendship that can grow across a lifetime?
Does this person treat me and others with love and respect?
Do our families and others who know us well support this relationship?
Do we have the skills we need to communicate, to deal with differences, to resolve problems so the needs of both are met, and to handle anger when it arises?
Are we committed to supporting one another and growing together in our marriage?
If you can answer “yes” to all these questions, this is a relationship that is worth pursuing.
As you approach marriage, you will want to talk to your pastor or a counselor about premarital preparation. The church recommends 10-12 hours of premarital guidance, six to eight months prior to the wedding. This time together will provide an experience of dialogue and skill-building that can start your marriage off on a journey that will last a lifetime.
What does the Bible tell us about interracial marriage?
The Bible does not address the question of interracial marriage directly. Certainly Scripture is clear that the human race is one. From the creation, all are descendants of Adam, and in Christ we are family, with nothing that elevates one person over another.
Biblically, there are no moral or theological barriers to such marriages. However, couples considering marriage across racial boundaries today do not live in a perfect world. In some places, feelings for and against such unions run strong. Before marriage, interracial couples should consider the likely response to their marriage of the society around them, as well as that of their family and church community. If the response is negative, they need to ask themselves if they have a relationship that is strong enough to meet the difficulties such opposition could present.
Couples should also recognize that although opposites often attract, the more commonalities they share, the better they will be able to deal with the differences between them. In addition, life has a way of throwing many hurdles in the path of every married couple. Interracial couples may discover they have “an extra” hurdle thrown in from the beginning.
What’s most important is for the partners to go into their marriage with their eyes open to the challenges their racial differences may create and make preparation to face them together.
The Bible describes marriage as a special human covenant--an agreement between a man and a woman before God. “She is your partner, the wife of your marriage covenant” (Mal. 2:14; cf. Gen. 21:27-32; 31:44-53; 1 Sam. 18:3; 20:8, 16; 23:18).
In many ways, the marriage relationship is intended to reflect the relationship between Christ and His church--both are relationships based on love, faithfulness, commitment and permanence. (Ps. 89:28-34; Song of Sol. 8:6, 7; Isa. 54:5, 10; Jer. 32:40, 41; Hos. 2:19-23; 3:1-3; Rev. 21:2, 3).
The reality is, though, that the marriage commitment does not look after itself--it must be maintained. “Guard yourself in your spirit, and do not break faith with the wife of your youth” (Mal. 2:15).
Divorce is not in keeping with God’s purpose in creating marriage. In the expression “I hate divorce” (Mal. 2:16), we hear the profound sadness and dismay of the Creator as He sees the destruction of His specially-created relationship masterpiece.
In the discussion of marriage and divorce in Matthew, Jesus acknowledged that the provision for divorce put in place by Moses (Deut. 24:1-4) had been given because human hearts were “hard.” However, Jesus added, “It was not this way from the beginning” (Matt. 19:8). The “hardness” of which Jesus spoke is seen in the deliberate breaking of the marriage covenant. Jesus pointed to the tragic consequences of divorce and indicated there are very few circumstances in which such a devastating thing should be considered. (Matt. 19:9).
The Church Manual expresses the Seventh-day Adventist view: “Scripture recognizes adultery and/or fornication (Matt. 5:32) as well as abandonment by an unbelieving partner (1 Cor. 7:10-15) as grounds for divorce” (2000 edition, p. 194). On these grounds individuals may remarry.
Divorces which result from other factors, such as physical violence, or when deteriorated relationships must be legally parted for purposes of property rights or the custody of children, do not give either one the scriptural right to remarry (cf. Church Manual, p. 196).
Let me first describe to you, in technical terms, what “Birth Control Pills” are, and what they do. They are formulation of estrogenic and progestogenic type substances that substitute for the natural hormones of the body, and thereby shut-off the pituitary stimulation of the ovaries. Without this stimulation no egg cells are released from the ovaries, so no babies will be formed.
Birth Control Pills are often used for purposes other than contraception. For example, certain types of menstrual irregularity or menstrual pain can be helped by these pills. Birth Control Pills are not for everyone because some people are more at risk for side effects. Such people with, for example, blood clotting tendencies, high blood pressure, diabetes, or smokers may be at increased risk.
In a situation where a husband and wife wish to plan their family, the Birth Control Pill can be a very good way of spacing a family and permit responsible parenting. Ellen White counsels against bringing youngsters into the world that cannot be properly provided for.
On the other hand, there are some birth control measures that involve aborting a fertilized egg--these are not the same as a Birth Control Pill. For instance, so-called “anti-progesterone compounds” induce an early abortion. And some “intrauterine contraceptive devices” may do the same (although the hormone-loaded ones also prevent the release of the egg).
In other words, it’s important for a married couple to understand their birth control options and to make decisions according to their conscience. Talk to a medical doctor who understands your spiritual values. If you’re interested in more information about the church’s position, there is a statement on birth control that can found at www.adventist.org/beliefs/statements/main_stat44.html